Book Review: Regretting You by Colleen Hoover

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“Regretting You” is a contemporary romance novel that follows the strained relationship between a mother (Morgan Grant) and her teenage daughter (Clara Grant), after the passing of the family’s anchor (Chris Grant), their husband and father, respectively.

Buy “Regretting You”

“Regretting You” is a story that deals with grief, betrayal, family, and first love. After the tragic aftermath of the husband/father’s passing, the surviving mother and daughter must reconcile their relationship and learn to see eye to eye. Morgan wants her daughter to avoid making the same mistakes she’s made when she was a teenager, all while being newly confronted with creating a life for herself. Meanwhile, her daughter Clara is also determined to create a path for herself: to fall in love with the charismatic Miller Adams and to pursue her passion for acting.

I surprisingly did enjoy “Regretting You.” I wanted to read the book before watching the movie adaptation (which was a pretty faithful adaptation.)

From the beginning, it is apparent that Jonah and Morgan have always loved each other through their mutual understanding of each other. It is their inherent maturity and self-sacrificing nature that prevents them from blowing up their families. This was a beautiful look into the long-lasting effect of first love.

Jonah laughs. “How did we both end up with people who are our exact opposites?”

“You know what they say. Opposites attract.”

Jonah shrugs. I find it odd that he shrugs at that. He stares at me for a moment, then looks away and says, “I heard what Chris said to you. I don’t know if that’s why you’re out here, but I hope you know he didn’t mean it. He’s drunk. You know how he gets at these parties.” I like that Jonah is defending Chris right now. Even though Chris can sometimes be a little insensitive, Jonah and I both know that his heart is bigger than both of ours put together. “I might be mad if he did this all the time, but it’s a graduation party. I get it—he’s having fun, and he wants me to have fun with him. In a way, he’s right. Drunk Morgan is way better than sober Morgan.”

Jonah looks at me pointedly. “I wholeheartedly disagree with that.” As soon as he says that, I pull my eyes from his and look down at my drink. I do this because I’m afraid of what’s happening right now.

My chest is starting to feel full again, but in a good way this time. That emptiness is being replaced with heat and flutters and heartbeats, and I hate it because it feels like I’ve just pinpointed what has caused me to feel so empty these past few weeks.

Jonah. (p. 10)

Jonah is the only one who truly sees her and how much she has to compensate for Chris and Jenny’s sake, and then for her daughter, Clara. To be loved is to be witnessed, and I was convinced of the love between Jonah and Morgan as they helped each other through the aftermath of Chris and Jenny’s betrayal and deaths.

Sometimes when we’re alone, he looks at me in a way that makes me feel empty when he looks away. It’s a feeling I’ve never gotten when Chris looks at me.

This realization scares me to death.

Until lately, it seems I’ve gone my whole life without experiencing this feeling, but now that I have, it’s as if part of me disappears when the feeling disappears.

I cover my face with my hands. Out of all the people in the world to want to be around, it’s a shitty realization to know Jonah Sullivan is starting to top that list.

It’s like my chest has been on a constant search for its missing piece, and Jonah is holding it in his fist.

I stand up. I need to get away from him. I’m in love with Chris, so it makes me uncomfortable and itchy when I’m alone with his best friend and having these feelings. Maybe it’s the soda making me feel this way.

Or the fear that I might be pregnant.

Maybe it has nothing to do with Jonah. (p. 11)

This book tackled infidelity and betrayal with candor and an idealized mature response. We see many sides of cheating and betrayal, and how different characters decide to react. For example, Jonah left years ago so that we wouldn’t hurt everyone he loved (which also ended up hurting everyone, simply not as much).

“Jenny was your sister. No matter how I felt about you, I would have never come between the two or you. I left because unlike Jenny and Chris, I had respect for them. For you. Please don’t ever call me self. ish again, because that was the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make in my entire life.” (p. 201)

As the reader, we understand how much Morgan has sacrificed to be a good mother, sister, and wife. She’s created a life she is grateful for, but does not love or fill her with much passion.

“Wanna know what my favorite thing about you is?” Chris asks.

My shirt keeps floating up to the surface, so he tucks the front of it into my jeans. “You’re a sacrificer. I don’t even know if that’s a real word, but that’s what you are. You do things you don’t want to do to make life better for the people around you. Like being the designated driver.

That doesn’t make you boring. It makes you a hero.” (p. 12)

This type of housewife motherhood self-erasure is very common for women who become pregnant before finishing their degrees/attending college. It’s a sacrifice that is costly to the woman who, in their late 30s-early 40s, wakes up to a life that has been barely lived and a life that doesn’t feel their own.

Furthermore, this book did a good job illustrating the tense mother-daughter relationship at a certain time when a teenager doesn’t yet grasp the life their mother could have had or had left behind to raise them.

“When you think of me, what one word comes to mind?”

“Mother,” she instantly says. “Housewife. Overprotective.” She laughs at that last one.

“I’m serious. What one word would you use to describe my personality?”

Clara tilts her head and stares at me for several long seconds. Then, in a very honest and serious tone, she says, “Predictable.” My mouth falls open in offense. “Predictable?”

“I mean… not in a bad way.”

Can predictable sum a person up in a good way? I can’t think of a single person in the world who’d want to be summed up as predictable.

“Maybe I meant dependable,” Clara says. She leans forward and hugs me. “Night, Mom. Happy birthday.”

“Good night.”

Clara goes to her bedroom, unknowingly leaving me in a pile of hurt feelings.

I don’t think she was trying to be mean, but predictable is not something I wanted to hear. Because it’s everything I know I am and everything I feared I would grow up to be. (p. 51)

Obviously, it’s never the child’s fault, but they typically don’t understand the decisions their mother made until they get to know them and their sacrifices better.

“Were you passionate about anything like I am about acting?” I think about her question for a moment, but nothing comes to mind. “I liked hanging out with my friends and not thinking about the future. I assumed I’d figure it out in college.”

Clara nods at the board. “I think that should be this year’s goal. You need to figure out what you’re passionate about. Because it can’t be being a housewife.”

“It could,” I say. “Some people are perfectly fulfilled in that role.” I used to be. I’m just not anymore.

Clara takes another sip of her soda. I write down her suggestion.

Find my passion.

Clara may not want to know this, but she reminds me of myself at her age. Confident. Thought I knew everything. If I had to describe her in one word, it would be assured. I used to be assured, but now I’m just … I don’t even know. If I had to describe myself with one word based on my behavior today, it would be whiny. (pp. 50-51)

This book made me think a lot about my own mother, who had my sister and me at a very young age.

The mother-daughter relationship was my favourite aspect of the novel, especially when, at the end, Clara gains true insight into her mother’s actions, sacrifices, and betrayal. It finally reshapes the way she thinks about her mother:

It isn’t lost on me that my anger over finding out about my father and Jenny isn’t nearly as intense as it was when I thought my mother and Jonah were the ones having the affair.

I contemplate that, and I realize it comes down to one thing.

Selflessness.

It seems so insignificant, but it’s not. My mother was put through the most maddening, painful, tragic event of her life. Yet, as always, she put me first. Before her anger, her grief, the betrayal. She did everything she could to shield me from the truth, even if that meant unfairly taking the blame.

I don’t doubt my father’s love for me, but I don’t know that he would have done the same if the tables were reversed. I’m not sure Jenny would have either.

As devastated as I am to finally know the truth, it actually hurts less than when I thought my mother was the one in the wrong.

Since the day I was born, every decision she’s ever made for herself was made in order to benefit me. I’ve always known that about her. But I’m not sure I appreciated it until tonight.

The cartoon has ended and the theater has cleared out, but I’m still staring hard at the blank screen, wondering how my mother is doing.

She’s the real victim in all of this, and it makes me sad to know that the two people she’s leaned on for most of her life are the same two people who weren’t there to catch her when she fell. Hell, they’re the ones who made her fall in the first place.

I can’t imagine all the invisible bruises she’s covered in right now, and I hate that some of them are there because of me. (pp. 316-317)

All in all, I went into this book excited for the romance but left with appreciation and great love for the mother-daughter relationship.

Jonah swallows, and then in a rough whisper he says, “I’ve never hated watermelon Jolly Ranchers. I only saved them because I knew they were your favorite.”

Those words roll through me, slowly warming up the coldest parts of me. I stare at him silently, not because I’m speechless but because that’s probably the sweetest thing a man has ever said to me, and it didn’t even come from my husband.

Jonah reaches a hand out, wiping away a sticky strand of hair stuck to my cheek. As soon as he touches me, I feel like we’re back to that night, sitting together on the blanket in the grass by the lake. He’s looking at me the same way he was looking at me back then, right before he whispered, “I’m worried we got it wrong.“

I feel like he’s about to kiss me, and I have no idea what to do, because I’m not ready for this. I don’t even want it. A kiss between us comes with complications.

So why am I leaning in toward him?

Why is his hand now in my hair? (p. 187)

I sigh and look back up at the ceiling. “I’ve had more time to mull over all of this than you have, so maybe I can share some of the wisdom that was born from all my anger. Think of it like this. Attraction isn’t something that only happens once, with one person. It’s part of what drives humans. Our attraction to each other, to art, to food, to entertainment. Attraction is fun. So when you decide to commit to someone, you aren’t saying, ‘I promise I’ll never be attracted to anyone else.’ You’re saying, ‘I promise to commit to you, despite my potential future attraction to other people.’ I look at Clara. “Relationships are hard for that very reason. Your body and your heart don’t stop finding the beauty and the attraction in other people simply because you’ve made a commitment to one person. If you ever find yourself in a situation where you’re drawn to someone else, it’s up to you to remove yourself from that situation before it becomes too hard to fight.”

“Like Jonah did?”

I nod. “Yeah. Exactly like that.”

Clara stares at me a moment. “Dad couldn’t remove himself from the situation with Jenny because she was always around. Maybe that’s why it happened.”

“Maybe.”

“It’s still not an excuse, though.”

“You’re right. It’s not.” (p. 323)

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